


In the Wake of the Flames

by The_Disaster_Tiefling



Series: Tales of the Flame [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Fire, Fire Powers, Guilt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Secrets, Temporary Character Death, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Disaster_Tiefling/pseuds/The_Disaster_Tiefling
Summary: 'The flames had taken everything.No, not everything. Not everyone. He shouldn’t have thought it, shouldn’t have felt a flicker of relief that there was nothing else for him to lose, not counting his own life after all that had happened, because as though summoned he heard a frantic voice rising over the flames.No, please…not him too.'In the wake of the memories unleashed after their battle, Caleb is haunted by both the flames and his memories, finding solace in the arms of Mollymauk.





	In the Wake of the Flames

_Caleb was burning. The sensation had started in his chest, embers of heat and pain taking hold, drawing a pained gasp from his lips. The embers spread, becoming sparks that danced across his skin and this time his gasp became a whimper as he clawed at his chest, only to watch as the sparks became flames. They flickered for a moment, almost beautiful in the night air, but then they reached out, terrible and hungry and there was nothing he could as they spread, curling around his fingers. It danced up his arms, swirling higher and higher and he screamed, knowing that he was going to be devoured and that there was nothing he could do about it._

_The flames that he had been running from for so long had found him at last, and just like back then he couldn’t stop them, couldn’t fight them. He was burning, screaming…dying and he squeezed his eyes shuts, unaware of the tears streaking down his cheeks._

_It was over._

_“Caleb!” The familiar voice, one that had come to mean home and family rose above the flames and the pounding in his ears, and he froze. **Nein…he didn’t want her to see this**. It was enough to get him to open his eyes once more, blinking through tears, to find Nott right there in front of him, her face contorted with terror and yet still she reached for him. **No, stay back!** He opened his mouth to scream the warning, drawing on some last unknown spark of strength, but it was too late. The flames had caught the surge in his emotions, and they twisted, reaching out, hungry for more, searching for what else they could take from him._

_She could have run. He’d seen her dart out of the reach of too many attacks to believe otherwise, but this time she didn’t move, still trying to reach him even with the danger closing in. And then the flames were there. The familiar voice, the one that spoke of home and family no matter where their feet had led them, rose in a scream, and then she was falling away, stumbling back as the flames engulfed her. He couldn’t move, couldn’t scream, trapped by the flames still dancing over his body, the pain a distant constant, lost in the anguish that engulfed him as Nott’s voice cut off, her small frame disappearing until all he could see were the flames that had taken her from him._

**_His flames…_ **

_“Caleb what the hell?” **No, stop coming…stay away**. The words wouldn’t come, his voice trapped by flames and grief and he was helpless as Beau ran to where Nott had fallen. His grief was mirrored on her features, but then her expression hardened, the fury that he’d only ever seen turned against their enemies now aimed at him as she hefted her staff. “What have you done?” His vision wavered, another face, another voice screaming those exact words at him. He hadn’t had an answer then, he didn’t have one now and he shook his head mutely, before letting it fall, unable to hold her gaze any longer and instead staring at the flames dancing around his body. **Why? Why didn’t you just take me? Why did you have to take her…?**_

_Fresh pain blossomed across his face as something struck him, and he was falling, slumping to his knees and making no effort to rise as he heard Beau’s voice twist into a shout of agony. No. He was a coward. He had always been a coward, and it showed now as he kept his head bowed, tears streaming down his cheeks as the flames devoured another life._

**_I’m sorry…_ **

_Jester and Fjord arrived together, he heard their footsteps one set light almost as though the Tiefling was dancing over the grass, the other heavy and determined, the steps of a warrior. He heard them stumbling to a halt as they took in the horrible tableau in front of them, heard Jester’s quiet gasp of horror, the pain in her voice as she whispered Nott’s name wounding him more than angry accusations could have. Fjord was quiet, too quiet and as scared as he was, Caleb found himself lifting his head and seeking out the half-orc, flinching at the glacial glare that met his frantic eyes. Fjord knew what he had done. Not that there could be any doubt with the flames still dancing around him, and it took everything he had not to look away. Instead his eyes darted to the Falchion that the other had summoned, no doubt sensing the danger, and a sudden, desperate hope sprang to life in his chest as he watched the seawater dripping from the blade._

_“Kill me…” He wasn’t sure if he would be heard above the crackling flames, but he had nothing left to put into his voice.  It was enough, Fjord tensed, glancing at the blade in his hands whilst Jester who had fallen to her knees besides the still burning spots where their friends had perished looked up, tears bright in her eyes as she wordlessly shook her head from side to side. “Please…it’s the only way.” The flames were his, but at the same time they weren’t as he had no control over them. He’d never had any power over them, he realised, feeling sick as the illusion of control he’d clung to over the years crumbled away. **It’s the only way…**_

_They were whispering now, a frantic back and forth and he could only watch as anger and grief, denial and resolve flashed across their faces, their words lost to the roaring in his ears. He didn’t need the words to see the way that Fjord’s fingers tightened around the hilt of the Falchion, or the slump in the broad shoulders, to know that a decision had been reached and he let out a huff of relief. **You won’t win this time.** It wasn’t a victory. Too much had already been lost, his eyes wandering to where Nott’s body lay still consumed by the flames…far too much had been lost…and he turned his gaze back to Fjord who was starting to move towards him, meeting his eyes and giving a tiny, resolved nod, offering permission and absolution all at once._

_Fjord could stop him, and his link to the sea should protect him._

_It wasn’t enough._

_The flames had let the pair approach, Jester following behind Fjord like a lost soul, a haunted expression on her face as she rested trembling hands on the hilt of her sickle. The flames had waited, just long enough to let Caleb breathe easier, to hope and then they struck. Surging forwards with a force that had Caleb falling forward onto his hands, a scream torn from his lips as the inferno around him intensified even as the flames wrapped themselves around Jester and Fjord. Jester’s scream, high-pitched and agonised joined his, but Fjord was silent and somehow Caleb found the strength to lift his head, forcing himself to look at what he was doing. Fjord’s mouth was open, caught in the motion of screaming, even though he was managing to hold back his voice and then their eyes met, and Caleb sobbed, because beneath the anger and pain, there was an apology in the green eyes. A silent apology for not stopping Caleb…_

_The flames swept between them, hiding everything from sight and it wasn’t long before Jester’s voice disappeared, leaving Caleb alone in the middle of the fire, sobbing and broken in a way he had never been before._

_Everything._

_The flames had taken everything._

_No, not everything. Not everyone. He shouldn’t have thought it, shouldn’t have felt a flicker of relief that there was nothing else for him to lose, not counting his own life after all that had happened, because as though summoned he heard a frantic voice rising over the flames._

_“CALEB! CALEB!!!”_

**_No, please…not him too._ **

_Caleb squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to look. He might have found the courage to ask Fjord to stop him, to meet his final gaze, but he wasn’t strong enough to watch Mollymauk fall to his flames too and he curled in on himself, praying for his body to give out to the flames before the Tiefling reached him. **Not him, please not him…please…** He should have known that his prayers wouldn’t be listened to, as he heard Mollymauk’s voice coming closer, strained and with an edge of pain and Caleb squeezed his eyes even tighter. He couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t… hands landed on his shoulder, seemingly undeterred by the flames and strangely cool against his burning skin._

_“Caleb! Caleb! Look at me!” Caleb wanted to refuse. He didn’t want to look, he didn’t want to watch as he lost someone else, but he couldn’t deny that voice and slowly he opened his eyes, lifting his head to meet crimson eyes. The flames were spreading, reaching hungrily for the Tiefling and Caleb tried to wrench himself back and away. **No, I won’t let you have him too…** The grip on his shoulders tightened, Mollymauk paying no mind to the flames, eyes intent on Caleb and an emotion that the human couldn’t comprehend right now written across his face. “Caleb…” His voice was too soft, too concerned. **Didn’t he realise what Caleb had done?** Mollymauk’s fingers squeezed, the touch too gentle after everything and Caleb felt another sob slip out. “…You need to wake up now!” The last bit came out as a shout and Caleb jerked…_

    Only to reel backwards as he nearly collided with Mollymauk who was holding him by the shoulders, bright eyes fixated on his face and such concern written across his face that Caleb felt his breath catch. _How can you look at me like that? How can…?_ He blinked, his mind slowly beginning to register that the air around him was cool, soothing against his feverish skin and that there were no flames dancing around him. He blinked and blinked again. There were no flames…no flames…his eyes darted around the room, searching for any evidence of fires or the lives that he had destroyed. No sign that he…

“Caleb,” Mollymauk was shaking him, gentler than he had been back in the mines, the strange concern that Caleb had seen in the Tiefling’s features had bled into his voice. “Caleb, look at me…” Caleb shook his head. He didn’t want to look up. He didn’t want Mollymauk to see what he’d done, what he was capable of and he shivered. “Please?” He’d never thought it was possible for Mollymauk to sound so gentle, so pleading and Caleb was weak, the memory of those deadly flames swirling and dancing around him, and his own frantic pleading for them not to take Molly as well.

“Molly…” His voice was little more than a broken croak as he lifted his head, vision wavering for a moment, and this time when he blinked he realised how sore and achy his eyes were. He made as though to lift his hand towards his face, but gave up halfway, instead reaching out to clutch Mollymauk’s coat between trembling fingers as he met crimson eyes. “Molly…” The colourful material was wonderfully real beneath his fingers, as were the gentle fingers that reached up to do what he hadn’t been able to do, brushing at his cheeks and working to remove the tears that he had been unaware of.

    The gentleness, after everything he had seen, everything he had done was too much and he shattered. Barely aware of what he was doing he latched onto Mollymauk, for once desperate for contact, needing the proof that he hadn’t destroyed everything…that the flames, that his flames hadn’t taken everything from them. “I killed them…” He whispered, shuddering as the images played through his mind once more and his voice cracked and broke again, knuckles turning white as his grip on Mollymauk’s coat tightened. “Molly…I killed them.” There was a sharp intake of breath, and he braced himself, waiting to be pushed away, reviled, feared…it always happened…kind hands turned cruel, whispers became cutting words and friends…

    The downwards spiral of his thoughts was cut off abruptly as he felt himself being yanked into a tight hug, and Caleb cried out, fighting against the hold. _No, I’ll burn you…I’ll burn you. I’ll…_ There were lips on his forehead again, an echo of the gentle touch that had roused him back in the mines, but this time he shuddered and shook his head. _I’ll burn you…_

“No, you won’t,” Mollymauk’s whispered reply startled him, he hadn’t realised he’d been saying it aloud, but not as much as the warm breath that tickled his lips, followed by a gentle, almost cautious pressure.

    Caleb froze, his frantic thoughts skidding to a halt. He was too stunned to pull away, and he wasn’t sure that he wanted to, but he didn’t know how to respond, at least not until Mollymauk began to pull away at the lack of response. A sudden surge of something swept through him, and without thinking he yanked the Tiefling back in and crushed their lips together. Whilst Molly’s kiss had been gentle, Caleb’s was desperate, seeking proof that Molly was alive and reassuring himself that this was real, fingers twisting in Molly’s coat and pulling him closer. The Tiefling didn’t back away, meeting him with equal heat and welcoming the increased closer, hands finally slipping away from Caleb’s shoulders and down to his waist.

“You’re okay…?” Caleb asked when they parted, breathless and fragile, but his mind was clearer than before as he let his eyes trail over Molly, trying not to let his gaze linger on his lips, instead searching for any sign that the fire had touched him. He flinched a little when gentle fingers found his cheek again, bringing his gaze back up to meet crimson eyes.

“It was a dream Caleb,” Molly murmured. “Just a bad dream.” They both knew that it was far more than that, and that there was more to Caleb’s reaction. Caleb tensed, waiting for the questions, for the demands for answers that he wasn’t ready to give, and Molly must have realised because he shook his head, leaning in and kissing Caleb on the forehead once more. “Later…” It was a promise to wait, but also a promise that he would be there, ready to listen when Caleb was ready to speak about it.

    Caleb swallowed, feeling a different kind of burning as his eyes began to sting. That kind of trust and patience was something he’d never experienced before, and he had no idea how to react, and he found himself looking down, overwhelmed and raw. Molly didn’t stop him this time, holding him close and letting him gather his thoughts. With anyone else and at any other time Caleb would have pulled away, but tonight he needed the closeness, even as he tried to drag his scattered thoughts into some semblance of order.

“Nott...?” He asked finally, bile rising as he remembered how she had reached for him even as the flames took her. _It was a dream, just a very bad dream…_ He lifted his head and scanned the room, something unpleasant twisting in the pit of his stomach as he realised there was no sign of her, his eyes darting to the door, widening briefly as he realised that his ward hadn’t been tripped and his eyes darted back to Molly who followed his gaze and grinned smugly.

“I never forget a trick once I’ve seen it, so I knew what to look for.”  If it had been anyone else Caleb would have been horrified at the idea that his protection had been so easily bypassed, but this was Molly, and although he wasn’t completely sure he understood why, but he trusted the Tiefling. Not with every part of himself, there were still many things he wasn’t willing or able to share, but it was enough that it scared him. “Nott is spending the night with the girls,” Molly continued, and whilst there was nothing in his voice or expression to indicate that he knew where Caleb’s thoughts had taken him now, Caleb had a feeling he knew. “Jester is watching over her, whilst Beau’s in charge of them both, and Fjord took the other room.”

     Caleb closed his eyes at that, he hadn’t realised just how much he needed to know that everyone was safe. _I didn’t burn them, it was just a dream…_ He took a deep breath and then another, trying to focus on the feel on Molly’s coat between his fingers. As scattered as his thoughts are, too many pieces for him to gather tonight, he hadn’t missed the fact that Molly hadn’t mentioned which room he was in or the way he had made it sound like Fjord had wanted the third room to himself.

“Stay?” The plea slipped out before he’d thought about what he wanted, and he coloured, but his grip tightened. He didn’t want to be alone tonight, and as much as he enjoyed Nott’s company he didn’t want to see her like this and he wasn’t sure that he was ready to face after his nightmare. Stunned silence greeted his request, and he wasn’t sure whether it was a rejection or if Molly was just startled that he’d found the courage to ask, all he knew was that it unsettled him, and he choked out a desperate. “Please…” Gentle fingers found his chin, tilting his face up and forcing him to meet the burning crimson gaze and his attention was caught by the soft, teasing smile on Molly’s lips.

“I would never say no to spending the night in your bed Caleb.” Not even Caleb could miss the insinuation in those words, and he could feel his cheeks heating up and he began to pull away, only to falter, when Mollymauk’s expression softened, the teasing fading away. “But for tonight, I think we’ll just be sleeping, yes?”

“Ja…”

     The smile that greeted his soft agreement was breath-taking, and he didn’t protest as he was gently nudged further onto the bed, making room for the Tiefling. He did make a soft, worried noise when the material he had been clinging to was gently pulled out of his grip, huddling in on himself embarrassed when Molly paused. “I’m not going anywhere.” It was shocking how reassuring that promise was, and Caleb nodded, forcing himself not to lunge out to grasp Molly, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away, watching as Molly shed his coat, shoes and shirt, eyes trailing over the exposed skin and lingering on the tattoos that had just been revealed. A part of him wanted to ask about them, about what they meant, just as part of him wanted to know the stories behind the faint scars criss-crossing the purple skin, but he buried the urge for now. Tonight, wasn’t the time, and instead he willingly pulled the covers back, welcoming Molly into the bed, only to tense as he felt the warm body pressing against his.

“We’re just going to sleep,” Molly reminded him, reading him so easily that it was scary, and Caleb nodded, letting him take the covers from him and make sure that they were both covered. Molly fussed for a moment, before reaching for Caleb and drawing him into his side, guiding his head down to his chest, another kiss being pressed to his temple as he added. “And if the dreams come back, I will be here.”

 


End file.
